Talking points: Overcoming objections

Most Catholics do not participate in the sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation for one reason or another. Here are some common objections that might be raised by your kids, and some responses you might try out:

► I don’t know what to confess. If your kids don’t know what to confess, help them out by doing a Daily Examen for several days before confession; then, provide them with a printed Examination of Conscience.

► I haven’t done anything bad enough to confess. Encourage kids—especially older children and teens—to think not only about what they did wrong, but how they have fallen short of being the person God made them to be. Even saints, priests, and religious sisters and brothers regularly celebrate the sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, recognizing that the grace of the sacrament strengthens them to follow God’s will more perfectly, and so become more truly themselves. Comparing the person we have been to the saint we would like to be opens up all sorts of possibilities for confession.

► Confession is all about guilt and shame; I believe in a loving God. The reality of God’s unconditional love lies at the heart of the sacrament, which recalls the parable of the Prodigal Son (Catechism #1439, 1465). Because God loves us, he wants to heal us of whatever hurts us—most especially sin. We don’t go to confession in order to focus on what bad people we are; we go to confession because ignoring our sins doesn’t make them go away. Just as we bring our physical injuries to the doctor for healing, we go to confession to be healed of our sins (Catechism #1456).

► I am too embarrassed or ashamed. It is natural for children to feel shy about confessing their sins in front of a priest. Simple repetition is the best remedy to this issue, although depending on the child, it might help to get to know the priest better outside of confession—or to confess with a different priest at another parish. It might help to remind your child that, during the sacrament, the priest acts in the person of Christ; it is Jesus who hears and forgives our sins. Read stories of Jesus’ mercy toward sinners to reinforce the point. Finally, remind your child that anything she confesses must be kept secret by the priest (Catechism#1467).

► Why can’t I just ask God for forgiveness directly? Anyone can pray to God for forgiveness at any time, as King David did (see Psalm 51 for a beautiful song of repentance). However, God came to us in Jesus in order to forgive us “in the flesh,” and he continues to do so even today by making the whole Church the sign and instrument of his forgiveness. In the sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, then, the priest, acting in the person of Christ, makes the tender mercy of God tangible. Moreover, Catholics confess their sins before a priest in recognition that their sins not only hurt their relationship with God, but one another, and especially the Church (Catechism #1441-1445).